Here we are at Day 104/105. Wow. Just wow! We really thought I’d be pretty much healed up by now.
Straight up, I’m tired of waiting and ready to get on with life.
A quick rundown of every day
There has never been a wait of any of my many waiting periods in my 38 years like this wait. No papers to file, no ears to bend, nor efforts to make. I can’t call, email, or pester this into the squeaky wheel getting the oil. I don’t like it.
When it’s quiet or I’m at my desk and finish a task, that’s when the eyes water and throat stiffens.
Then the flash of anger. Sometimes it’s a what I’m working on. Sometimes it’s the closest person to me who has irked me in the slightest. Sometimes it’s at God for not getting this show on the road. Nothing could be easier, so why must I — and my entire family — wait this long?
As soon as the fire reaches white hot, a tiny reading voice in my head reads to me, “Where were you when I created the universe by speaking?” That’s usually enough for me, but sometimes I’m a real hard-head and need to wait for the voice to continue, “You tiny, tiny person. Who do you think you are? I’ve got a gift for you and you’re acting entitled. All you have to do is wait.”
Who am I to even consider being impatient? I’m reminded once again that this isn’t about me.
Of course, there are always statistics to look at, which clearly have no actual bearing on anything for each individual situation. Every day, the odds of it being the day is the same. However, as more days in a row are strung together without a result, the odds increase. We verified this with my mathematician brother-in-law on Saturday. It’s been a very long time since the Yellowstone super-volcano erupted, so as time passes and the tremors increase, the odds rise each year even though the odds of it being any given year are very, very low.
It’s another holiday coming up. We’ve passed a few lame US Mail holidays plus Memorial Day, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day with one call but no information that it was from a holiday-related reason. Now we have one of the biggest donor days of the year coming up in a few days with it being a very long holiday weekend until the actual day with the possibility that any accidents would cause delayed termination of life support well into the week.
With this set of circumstances, my wife and I are on pins and needles in anticipation of the call coming at the worst timing this time to the point of keeping my devices obsessively charged up and not hungry lest I go NPO for the next 2-3 days at any point.
Now that I’ve been reminded of my place once again, I patiently do my stuff while I patiently wait.